help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
