One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
