I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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