Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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