OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
