I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
