Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
