i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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