you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you will always have a special place in my vag
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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