I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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