HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
