He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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