When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
