when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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