I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
