Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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