My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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