i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
