I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize