Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize