hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
