I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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