i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
