Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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