You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
