I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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