Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
