I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
