I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
