Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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