help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
