wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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