she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
