just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
