Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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