Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
