go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
