You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
