Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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