True but thats because hes a fetus.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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