I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize