hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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