I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
