He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
