his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
