I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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