i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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