I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
