How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
