I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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