His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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