is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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