Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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