And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
