I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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