I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When are your genitals available?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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