hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
