Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
