You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
